GOOP detox

10 Sep

So, Gwyneth Paltrow has this website? It’s called GOOP? The icons are cute, and a bunch of the advice is useful. There’s a lot of stuff geared toward people with $$$ (can we all afford to have a “Culinista” come to our houses for grocery consultations? probs no), and some of her “expert” interviews fall flat in terms of practical advice, but, you know, it’s a nice idea overall.

Getting to the point, I tried her 7-day detox last week. A detox isn’t fun, you suffer a bit, and then you feel “lighter” or whatever. As far as detoxes go, this one isn’t bad. GP created this menu with Dr. Alejandro (Ale-Alejandro!) Junger and I’ll tell you one thing, neither of them paid tooooo much attention to palatability.

Here’s the link so you can take a look:

I followed the menu as best I could, so yes, I ate some fish this week, and no chicken. I never said I wasn’t flexi-vegan but judge me if you must, dear veggies.

GOOP Cucumber-Avocado Soup - yummm

Recipe-wise, the Detox Teriyaki sauce is excellent. The smoothies, however, are so awful, and play such a big part in the menu, that I’m probably going to come up with my own recipe next time. A cheesy, sour aftertaste? No thanks. Most of the recipes require tweaking, and I added more fruit to the daily meal plans, to keep massive hunger pangs at bay. Per day, there are not enough calories to keep an active adult going. Is being weakened and exhausted a standard side-effect of detoxing? Am I wrong in trying to get as many calories as I need (or somewhere thereabouts)? Seriously, let me know. I know that chili-honey-water-whatever detox makes you hallucinate, but I thought only extreme detoxes made you starve.

There’s also the issue of meal timing, assuming we’re following her plan to the letter. If I wasn’t employed full-time, maybe making my own coconut water would be feasible, as would making fresh juices at 4pm.

Despite all this, I recommend the GOOP detox to non-vegans since there is a nice variety of meals, it isn’t too grueling, and will taste good with the recipe changes listed below! For vegans, you’d just have to choose an alternate smoothie recipe and find non-soy, gluten-free substitutes for the fish and chicken meals.

Carrot-ginger dressing: unless your miso is low-salt, don’t put a whole tablespoon, more like a teaspoon. Also, way too much oil for 1 serving. I only put 1 tablespoon sesame oil and 2 tbsp grapeseed oil, and I spread the dressing over two meals.

Miso soup base: “3 dried shiitake mushrooms” is a bit vague. I’d say take about 10 pieces of those sliced dry shiitakes and throw them in. Also, same miso paste problem here. Six tablespoons of my miso paste = 4230mg of salt. The recipe serves four, but that is still a lot per person. Cut that in half, at least. I omitted the bonito and the soup’s flavour wasn’t very strong, but such is life.

Teriyaki sauce: I used seasoned rice wine vinegar instead of mirin and the result was delicious. Just so you know.

Blueberry-Almond smoothie: I made one with whey protein just to test the flavour. AVOID. Make a nice Greens+ smoothie with water, fruit and hemp protein powder, you’ll be better off.

Cucumber-avocado soup: Juice one SMALL lime, otherwise all you taste is lime. Otherwise it was incredibly refreshing, but not at all filling. That was the night my stomach tried to eat itself. Have some sunflower seeds and a fruit for dessert.

Some final tips: Have pears or apples on hand for when the hunger gets to be overwhelming, and make sure you really pack a variety of veggies into the salads. Go wild, vegetables are mainly low-calorie, and full of nutrients of course.

I hope this turns out to be useful for some of you; it was definitely an interesting week, and I got a killer dressing & a delicious sauce out of it. And I do feel different, in a good way! Definitely better than my pre-detox bloat-ey self.

And now for those banana-walnut muffins I’ve been craving all week…


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